I might...erm, maybe...possibly...could oil paint. Sometime.

I'm really annoyed at this lack of motivation I have.  It's not even really a lack of motivation.  It's just a lack of motivation to sit down and do anything even for a few minutes.  I don't get it; these things never make *sense* of course, but sheesh.  I have...well, I won't count them all.  But *more than* a half a dozen distinct projects in progress which I honestly want to do.  Oh, well more than half a dozen.  And most of them don't require a lot of set up, or a lot of time invested for me to sit down and work on them a bit.  It *annoys* me greatly that I don't do it.

I think I have reasonable focus now, compared to what I have had in the last couple of years.  And you might think that maybe I have *too many* things going on, and that is probably at least a slight factor, but I don't believe it's at all the major one because I do have a priority list of the projects and it's not really a matter of wanting to do them alllll right this minute; just two or three are really calling for attention to begin with.

A couple of my projects are long-term (in that the individual project will take me weeks or months), but most of them (all the higher priority ones) are things that could be gotten done easily in a week or two at the most.  Or less.

I think that is one of the major issues, actually.  The fact that individual things could be done quickly.  Which is odd.  But I am odd, so it makes sense that my mental issues would be odd.

If I wanted to, I could complete something in a few days...and that is what concerns me about working on them, perhaps.  I would sit down, see the light at the end of the tunnel, and ignore other things til it is done.  Or else not entirely ignore other things, but be annoyed at other things for *so rudely* interrupting me.  And it would be done and then a small ridiculous part of me would be sad that it was finished, as well.

So maybe I should go back to an old standby and finally get out my oil paint.

Because I am sloooooow at oil paint.  I get v unhappy when I go fast, things never turns out well that way, and so I have to accept that I am slow at it.  When I paint, I *usually only do it for maybe an hour at a time*.  If that.  Really, more like a half an hour more often than not.  Actual brush-to-canvas time, I mean.  So, by having one over-reaching project that will take me months, but that will not have to take large chunks of time at one time, potentially that could get me moving and once I am actually *moving*, I guarantee that I will simultaneously pick up work in my other areas.  Having a Big Canvas to revolve everything else around is potentially likely to be very helpful to me.

What got me thinking about this idea was in looking at this painting, which is my favorite painting I have ever done and it took me *ages*.  And I love it and I enjoyed the process so very immensely even though it gave me some serious fits.  (And wow, I never even posted the finish on my blog!!  Wonder where that finished photo went...)  It made me so happy to work large and slowly and to see it come together like it did.

This is a weird enough idea that it could actually work.

It might not.  That is okay, too, because I'm already at that point and I've really nothing to lose by starting yet another thing, even if it just adds to my pile of things unfinished.

Anyway, I was going through references and, shockingly, I will not be working on a zebra nor even equestrians--uhm, yet.  (I reeeeally want to do a major involved terribly painstaking copy of a painting of the inside of the Spanishe Hofreitschule.)  All of the ideas I want to do first are...*gasp*...people!  But that becomes understandable even for me when you realize I've got such photogenic girls.  Though...I don't think I'm even going to work on those first.  (Though I've more and more references of them everyday that are just begging to be painted.  Many many of them, though, are asking for oil pastel, so they can be considered separate.  I have decided only one new oil project at a time, but I can always start an oil pastel portrait!  :D)

The first thing I intend to work on does have a figure, but most of it will be very abstract...not abstract abstract, but it is almost all rock and water and light.  It's an *amazing* reference that really does need to be done.  Figuring out the composition will be a trial, but it ought to be fun.  And all that glowy light!  Oh, what is in my head is amazing....

Okay, this was no doubt far more than anyone in their right mind would ever want to read, but I'm a little excited.  Quite excited, which bodes well.  Fingers crossed that it helps.

This post neeeeds an image, so here are some Kanji I was writing this morning.  :)

It's still morning.  I don't care what the clock says.