Paint Channeling

I had an interesting realization tonight.

Ever since I started dating my husband (maybe before then I had this, too, but there was never a place for it to go and I dealt otherwise), I have had an extremely strong need for the *physical* channeling of my emotions and spirit.  Jared and I are and have always been extremely and deeply connected in ways that cannot be described in any casual way.

Of course, we are often apart, and for very long times, and this is very, very rough for me.  Nothing truly compensates, though of course I have been given various lifelines, because God never leaves us without that which we need.  (At times we are able to enjoy an abundance, and at times we must accept the opposite.)

One of these things has always been painting.  In fact, I began oil painting the first time Jared ever left.  I realized tonight how paint can *physically* channel emotion and spirit, and how much I now need that in some form, that physical aspect.  It's not as good as having Jared right next to me, but I am definitely more equalized with painting than otherwise.  Not *as*, but at least more.

I suppose this is quite the obvious realization to many, though I am not sure that my description entirely coincides with what others believe I am saying.  This is one reason I don't discuss a lot of my internal thoughts--people will nod their head and agree, but in reality they will have no real idea what I am talking about.  I hate being misunderstood; I really do.  I am as precise as possible in what I say, but people will put their own spin on it, anyway, no matter what kind of lengthy discussion I go into.  At any rate, I've understood this ability of paint previously, but I was really able to enumerate it tonight, so it was interesting.

For many painting is a release of emotions, but I don't mean this in that exact way...it's similar, but it's not a forcing or *release* of emotion, it's more a flowing and connecting of spirit.  You might think that is the same; maybe it is or can be, but they are different things to me.

There is absolutely no frustration or negativity with this, at least in the sense of what I am accomplishing, both on the surface as well as deeper.  (There are plenty of negative feelings involved, of course...but we can't do without the bad if we want the good as well, and we can't carry on our deepest connections without both, either.)

So at least it's a good way to paint, I guess.  I always like how things turn out when I paint like this.  (At other times it might serve as a bit of a block for me, because I much prefer to paint when I have have this connection flow going.  Jared does not always have to be gone for it to happen.)

That's my new chair, by the way, I put it together yesterday.  Hopefully it won't fall apart even though it's missing a few bolts...

It's oil pastel, so though it's not as interesting as a wet painting would be, Face at least knows that his hair can potentially attach...