Thursday, April 2, 2015

Buddah Board and Why Change is Good but Hard

I love my Buddha Board.  It is perfect for my Kanji study...I just wish I could get ink and paper to have these crisp marks...I don't know if it is my brushes or if it is just me.

The Buddha Board is a neat contraption that allows you to "paint" in water.

The image does not last long.

I guess you are supposed to live in the moment or some such thing.

Sometimes it does make me sad that the image goes away.

So I am going to start recording them more often.

My creative focus is always changing, which is why I can't ever become Really Good at anything...not belittling whatever talent I have, but my mind does not want to focus on one thing in particular to develop my skills high enough to be Super Awesomely Good.

And that is okay.  It's all right to just be Good.  I believe there are reasons I have an eclectic focus. 

It does make it a little frustrating when I feel like I "ought" to be doing this or that, or when I think, "a while ago, that would have inspired me to do X, but right now...I just don't want to."  Those kind of thoughts threaten to make me feel a little down on myself.  I *want* to get this or that done, but motivation so often peters out before I get all that far.  I haven't oil painted in forever.  Sometimes I feel I want to...but I *don't* want to get the paint out just for the sake of getting the paint out.  If I get it out, I want to do my best, and sometimes I just know I am not actually capable of that amount of motivation, so that is why I don't get it out.  I guess the big thing is, it takes *time* and *energy* and *attention*.  I don't want to bother with it otherwise, but...that needs lots of motivation.

I spend a lot of time on kids (obviously) and a lot of mental exertion on learning Japanese (because for whatever obsessive reason, I love love love studying it, though I don't always do so efficiently).  Then you factor in house, errands, people, and normal relaxation needs, and that leaves...precious little else.  I have the time.  I have plenty of time no matter what else takes my time and I know it and I will not use that an excuse.  But I know myself well enough that once I get going on something, I *do not want to stop* and that is probably the biggest factor...the fact that official creative time does have to take a back seat, strictly by my own personal choice.  I have plenty of things that don't *have* to take a lot of time...but it's hard to want to do those things if I *don't* devote a large chunk of time, so it's a bit of a conundrum.  I hate being interrupted, so often I choose not to start doing anything at all.  That is a little sad and I need to figure out how *not* to do that.

What was I talking about again?  I don't know.  Something about how I need to reconcile the fact that I don't need to do all of the traditional things I tend to do, creatively, and that I can just do...whatever motivates me at the moment.

Sorry about the rambling today...


Rolina said...

I am a bit of a butterfly too, flitting from one thing to the next, one minute it is tablet weaving, another it is knitting or spinning, then I am into oil-painting, then mixed media, then sewing, then needlepoint, argh!

But there is a good side to this - everything I do feeds into each other, I am a better painter because I like to take good photos (and vice versa), I am a better weaver because I spin and because I understand colour theory etc, etc.

Also, I understand about the fear of starting something, then getting too involved. We know full well we will get sucked in and nothing else will get done!

I think what you need is a studio of your own, where you can leave half-finished work out, leave the sewing machine set up, the paints laid out, etc. That helps me, anyway.

Oh and that Buddha Board looks cool!

~!Carey said...

Rolina, you are right. I *do* have studio space, but it's not ideal (despite the fact that I have four desks...yes, four!!). I need to work on that and Spend Time There.

Jessica P said...

Buddha Boards are sooooo cool!

You have a lot to take care of with the kids and all. The fact that you do nurture your creativity at all is more than most people do. <3.